Love - Hate

I never thought there would be anything that gave me the same feelings of being married to my ex. But indeed, yes, alcohol does. I have the same love-hate feelings about it. I love the excitement and buzz and careless feeling of it, but I hate the sneaky stuff it’s probably doing to me. And the longer you are in a relationship, the harder to break free. I mean you have so many good memories together, so much familiarity, so much routine. And my ex was fun, and exciting at times, but ultimately, he was so damaging to be with. I didn’t even know how bad it was until I was so deep in. His talent for being conniving and gaslighting were incredible. But again, he was a charmer. It didn’t take much for him to weasel himself into making you love him again.

And all those good things are why I went 17 years. You put up with the bad, even when’s its very bad. Alcohol is just like that… and breaking free is going to require the same amount of strength… which by the way, took monumental force because my ex was so damn persistent. He said he’d make my life a living hell. I think alcohol wants to do the same. Trying to think about what ultimately got me free of him though… was just patience, my own persistence, good support system and time.