Random thoughts

It’s amazing how good I am about not drinking in the morning, lol… or afternoon. And I can even wake up and say I’m going to not drink tonight. And I don’t feel the slightest bit worried about it.

Then 4 o’clock, 5 'o’clock, 6 o’clock come and suddenly I say to myself, “I could use a little wine right now.” Maybe it’s a nice sunny night and I’m enjoying the deck or maybe I’m making a good dinner… regardless, these become excuses to open a bottle. And once it’s open… well I have to finish it.

I remember a time years ago out to dinner with a boss and somehow we got on the conversation. She said her and her husband drink wine with dinner. I think I asked how long an open bottle of wine lasts. She said, “I don’t know, my husband and I always finish it.” She kind of chuckled and I thought, “wow, they have a bottle of dinner every night?” I can do that myself now. In fact, I am pretty much a bottle and a half.

While I’m on the ledge here, I might as well admit that besides the nagging worry I have about my liver, or getting head and neck cancer someday… drinking has to have been the culprit of this weight gain. I work out a lot… walk the dogs, do a lot of constant housework. I go to the gym 3-4 times a week. I have muscle, but it’s a solid weight that I am. It feels heavy on me. I’ve never been this weight even when 9 months pregnant. And it sort of looks like I’m pregnant. I wonder what is in there… is it fat, is it fluid… is it a tumor? It’s probably a giant grape, being that I’ve drank so many.