Where I am

So it begins. I find myself in a fiercely wicked battle.
It seems so simple.
It doesn’t make sense.
It’s everywhere but nowhere.

What am I talking about?

Alcohol use.

I almost have to whisper it because it feels like a dirty word. It feels like admitting to drinking too much alcohol is like saying you are a dirty whore. Which, for some, could be both. Still, in society, isn’t it shameful to say that you drink too much alcohol? Or that you have a problem with it? You feel like everyone else can go about drinking that glass of wine with dinner a night while you finish the whole bottle. Why don’t you have as much self control?

That’s what it feels like.

From what I have seen going online so many people who get to the point of seeking help have already hit some kind of rock bottom. They have lost their jobs, maybe their marriages, even kids. Some talk about rehabs or having dual addictions with drugs. I feel like I just don’t identify. Maybe I’m not in the same boat as they are. Heck, maybe I don’t have a problem!

But then I read, the recommended amount of drinks per week is 7 and not more than 2 a day for women. We women always gets screwed don’t we. Men able to drink twice as much without being called a dirty little alcoholic.

And they describe this as ‘heavy drinking.’ Hell, I think I’ve done that in a day! Well, not every day… but over Saturday. A few day drinks, like a nice rum drink or fancy cider while gardening or doing yard work and then going out and a few more in evening with friends.

Regardless, according to statistics, I have a problem. I am a heavy drinker. I am baaaad….

Then according to the websites I seek for stories and advice, I’m just a little angel, no harm done, no major loss or court ordered classes.

So where I think I am… is just on the ledge… hence the name of this blog where I will continue to journal this experience. Hopefully, helpful to anyone else who doesn’t identify with people who hit rock bottom or for that matter, any rocks. I’m not saying I haven’t had a few bumps but maybe I’ve just been lucky.