Well that was embarrassing

It was a friends 50th birthday… I pregamed. I had a few panic attacks I worked through, but the lovely white wine flowed. Then it hit me, the tears, and boom, I fell down. A lovely friend scooped me out of there and brought me walking down the street giving me a pep talk the whole way. I don’t even remember or know how I got to my room and how much she saw, probably not the throwing up. My 19 year old basically asking some friend on the phone what to do with me. I didn’t even make it to the toilet with the vomit. I made it a few feet away and then crawled out onto the rug almost incapacitated.

This is it. I’m done. I know I can’t beat myself up over it. I know I can’t continue to let myself feel shamed. I know my son will do a great job of that for the rest of my life. It ain’t going to be easy but I just have to totally stop.